5/17/11

This Is My Story

This is my story.  My story may look like your story.  There is comfort in that.  According to the CDC, depression affects 1 out of 10 Americans.  That is a lot of people.  I am 34 today.  It took me at least two years to admit I was suffering from this disorder and that I needed help.  Most of why I decided to get help was for my children.  I was horrified at what my kiddos would remember of me when they grow up, so it was time to get help.  Nothing else had worked, so what did I have to lose? I started my medication over a year ago. And it has changed my life for the good.

My first problem was admitting to myself, much less any one else, that I had a problem.  My life is great.  I have blessing after blessing surrounding me.  What could be so wrong with me when everything around me is so right?  I shouldn't be depressed.  I can't be depressed.  I was so easily irritated.  I would scream at my kids and then I would be in tears as I apologized.  The guilt would haunt me all day long.  It was awful.  That was just one example, I could go on and on.

The first time it was suggested by a doctor that I try some medication for my symptoms, I tried to play it off saying it was hormonal and being on these pills would help even me out those few days before my period. My hubby, who is a pharmacist and very understanding said,
"you don't want to mess with the chemicals of your brain, its only a few days, its fine". There went that excuse...


Another year went by...the more I tried to get myself together, the more I kept falling apart.  Anytime, I would get to the point that I would consider trying medication, I would have a good day and think, "nevermind, I was just in a rough patch.  I'm better today". 

Of course, it seems like every one says they are depressed and on a "happy pill".  So this is so over diagnosed, right?  I was very concerned that there is something wrong with our culture when so many people turn to drugs to be happy and I wasn't going to be that way. 

Finally, a friend said to me, that if I got migraines, I wouldn't think twice about taking medicine to fight that.  She was right.  About the same time, I realized, that life was not supposed to be this hard, day after day.  God did not want me to struggle like this and neither did I.  So with these two thoughts guiding me, I told my husband I was going on the medicine.  I was going to give it a try.  Nothing else had worked so it was time.  He was supportive of me.  I made my appointment. 

I started my medication and after the first three months, I noticed a big change in my anxiety level.  It was strange because I never realized how much I struggled with anxiety.  After an increase in the medicine, I really began to notice a difference in my depression as well. 

I cannot explain why so many people in our culture suffer from depression.  I know how much better I feel when I am on my medication.  I feel like the person I am supposed to be.  Don't get me wrong, I still have bad days, and I'm kind of glad for that.  It means that I am human and that the medicince doesn't change that.  But I function so much better as a wife, mother, and friend.  Thank you for reading my story.

This is a heavy topic.  Please leave a comment if you have anything to share.

2 comments :

  1. I ask myself the same questions. Why me? Why so many people now? Do I want to jump on the medication bandwagon? I've been on and off meds my whole adult life. What has been tough for me is that I don't always feel that big difference that so many have. I've had to rely on others for feedback. Depression and meds have been a constant battle in my life. I don't always know what choice to make, and to be honest, don't always have the funds to make certain choices even if I wanted to. Part of this battle has also been the frustration of some things. I've gone my whole life feeling like I've been put in a box. "Poor Rick, he's just like his Grandfather". As if to say I inherited this. When I was 18, me, my parents, and a room full of Doctors, psychologists, and social workers sat around a table and decided that if I worked really hard the best I would be able to do with my life was assisted living and a job at Pizza Hut. Wow! How much did I prove them wrong. I've done so much with my life and continue to do so. And maybe for me, by not taking any meds is my way of saying to them you where wrong.
    I would never tell anyone not to take meds. But don't let them put you in a box. Do what's best for you and your family.

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  2. Oh Dawn I have been in the same boat for about 10 years now. Stay strong girl!

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