1/2/12

Dear Diary,

On March 13, 2012, it will be four years since I had surgery on my right hip.  On one hand it seems like a lifetime ago.  I had no idea what my life would be like after recovery.  I was surprised by how quickly I bounced back.  But just because I got back to the business of living an active life, that does not mean I was eager to go through this again.

A few weeks ago, I found out that it is time to have my left hip repaired.  My emotions have been all over the place on this one.  Fear.  In spite of having been down this road before, the idea of doing this all over again is very scary.  The pain of surgery and recovery.  The sleepless nights.  Anger.  Why do I have to do this again?  I am healthy, I eat well and exercise.  I've done this once, can't it be someone else's turn?  Resignation.  It doesn't really matter if I want to do this or not, I need to be fixed so I need to suck it up and get it done.  Helpless.  This is all out of my control.  It is happening to me and there isn't much I can do about it.  I can get fixed, or I can choose not to have the surgery and sign up for a life time of pain.  And occasionally, Hope.  Once this process is over and I am fully healed, I should be "all better".  My days of chronic pain should be over.  I can't even remember what it was like to not hurt all the time.

Not being able to workout at the Y is going to be so hard on me mentally.  This is "my" time each day.  The friends I have made there are a big part of my social circle.  I know I wont be able to stay away completely.  I will probably end up there walking the track just to keep with my routine and to say hello to my peeps.

My surgery is scheduled for January 30.  I really just want it over so I can move on to getting better. As I already said, my emotions are all over on this one.  Until then, I just need to take it one day at a time and focus on how  much better my life will be once this is all behind me.   I'm glad I will have Java Talk to keep me busy while I recuperate.

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