7/9/13

Smothering Darkness

Depression...we've all been there or known someone who has suffered from depression. Not "I'm sad because..." or not your average bad day, but true, can't get out of bed, dot want to live...depression. 

If you've never experienced such hopelessness, count your blessings. This post is for you. 

I have suffered greatly with this chronic condition and to say it sucks only scratches the surface. It sucks the life, joy, hope, desires and ambitions from you. 

You may have heard this before but please keep reading. Everyone feels depression in an individual  way. But there are some things I believe to be true for everyone. This post is the first in a short series I am going to write on the topic. 

First, depression is not a choice. True depression is more than having a bad day. We all have bad days and have the power to change our outlook to a more positive one if we choose to do so. When depression sets in, it is such a heavy, hopelessness that will not be shaken. 

Next, depression can be irrational. I cannot count the number of times I reviewed all that was good in my life and yet, I still wanted to stop living. Truly. I wanted to die. 

The first reaction I usually get when I share this is "what about your children?"  This response actually angers me. People don't understand that in those darkest moments, I AM thinking about my children and I honestly believe they are better off without me. Most days I can see this as being irrational but the fact is in those moments, it makes sense. 

Finally, the darkness of depression is an consuming cycle. It robs the individual of the ability to relate to others leading to the feeling of isolation.  Feeling isolated leads to feelings of being unworthy and unloved.  When you feel alone in the world, you feel no hope which allows the depression to dig deeper.  Depression is very real and very painful on so many levels. And it affects the individual as well as the lives of those around the person who is suffering from this illness. 




Check back tomorrow as I share more of what I've learned through this journey through the darkness of depression.  

2 comments :

  1. My sister has it too and it's a terrible illness. Keep the faith, Dawn. So many people love you! <3

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  2. I have had mild bouts of depression but thankfully was always able to get away from it. My mom went trough major depression for years after her mom passed away and for those of us watching her, we felt and were helpless. She thankfully got through it. I am so thankful for that as I am thankful you are healing as well my friend. Know that I think of and pray for you often. Though we don't see each other nearly enough, please let me know if there is anything I can do and feel free to call anytime! I am so proud of how you are moving on and taking control! Love you.

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