7/10/13

Surviving the Darkness

I'm happy to report that I am on the mend...Currently, I am able to see in color again. The black cloud has moved on. Maybe for good. Maybe just for now.  But I will be thankful for every day that I want to face. 

I have not gotten through this on my own, even though at times it definitely felt that way. I admit to seeing a therapist regularly.  I've seen doctors.  My medications have been tweaked.  I had a friend stay with me on the night I was most afraid I would not see morning.  My parents had some idea of what I was going through so they tried their best to keep me company and to keep me busy.  It is always a little easier on the weeks I have my kiddos.  And most importantly, somewhere inside of me, I chose to live...every time those thoughts of dying krept in. And today, that choice is a pleasant one.

I've cried.  I've been numb. I've wanted to forever stop feeling these horrible feelings that seem to come with such dark thoughts. And for right now, this day, I am in a much better place. In fact this week has felt different. In a positive way. I've felt more confident. More able. I truly enjoy my new job. The people I work with are great and they keep me laughing. I am productive and I am getting good at doing my job and that feels very good.  I feel I am once again able to think of other people first. I feel I'm able to think clearly again. 

To anyone who has been through this dark road, you understand the relief of making it to the other side. It was bad this time. Really bad. The worst bout I've ever faced. But I'm still here and looking forward to seeing my kiddos in a few days. I'm looking forward to going to work I the morning. And I'm looking forward to reconnecting with some friends as well as making new ones as I embark on this new chapter of my life. 

Thank you for reading my thoughts on my personal experience with depression.  If there is anything you would like to share, please leave a comment. Everyone's experience is different. What helped you get through the worst days?

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