6/7/16

Today I Choose To Let It Go







If you aren't divorced this may not be something that you can identify with. But I know there are divorced moms who will know what I'm talking about. I will not go into any details but as I was thinking about a situation that happened recently, I realized there are other moms in my shoes that may benefit from my struggle. And maybe, there are moms who can share what's worked for them in similar situations.

My kids have a step mom. It's no surprise that having to share your children with another woman is tricky to navigate. Both internally as well as logistically. But it is part of having children and being divorced.

The kids having a step mom is not something I dwell on much. There's no point. For the most part, it doesn't matter to my world. I have no concern she will take my place so there is nothing to worry about. Polite conversation at the kids sports and kid drop off is comfortable so it's about at good as it gets I suppose.

Recently something happened that I felt should not and I was very upset. I feel I was justified to be upset. I wanted to call the kids' dad and give him my opinion on what had happened. I wanted to look her in the eye and "put her in her place". I was ready for a fight. But I was also rational enough to know angry words weren't going to change a thing so there was no point in the "discussion".

But what was I to do with these angry feelings?   After almost an hour of letting myself just feel angry about it and allowing myself to vent, I decided to let it go. Sounds stupid as I write this. But I did. I was driving in the car by myself and I spoke out loud, "if the situation was reversed, I would have wanted (my fiancé) to be there". Although in my mind I definitely do not feel it is exactly the same, it is similar enough that I knew my Ex would see it as the same. So really, what does it matter? It's over.  Make no mistake, this was not easy.  The anger was not gone.  But I had made a choice to not focus on the anger.   I had decided to stop having arguments in my mind and let it go.

That doesn't mean I won't struggle again with the same concern but for now, it is ok. My kiddos have gone from a house with a mom and dad to two homes, with a step mom and a soon to be step dad. I have to remember that these things are not a personal attack. We are all there for the support of my children. It's not easy co-parenting without a new person being added to the mix. Once someone else is involved, it only gets more complicated. But if all is done well, everyone should be on the same team...the team which stars my Kiddos.

I will agree it sounds a little lame to simply shrug it off. I promise you it was not simple. It was a choice. One that I feel will be better for me which will then be better for my kids.

If you know this struggle, what do you do when a step parent is added to the mix? How do you let it go? I really would like to hear what's worked for you. My kiddos are still pretty young and I have a lot of years ahead of me to co-parent with my ex-husband and his wife.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

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